This Time

Very often I've thanked God that I got my driving licence pretty early - even before my SPM. This time, it was proven a very precious asset to me. I sent my mother to the hospital on Friday afternoon, canceling my plans with Kok Loong. Being unfamiliar with Bangsar, it was a miracle I found my way just fine to Pantai Medical Centre. Now, of course, I know the route fairly well. Enough to speed a little, ahah.

For once I felt disappointed that I hadn't been born earlier, 'cause I was technically an underaged person admitting a patient who didn't even know what day it was. Thankfully, the clerk let me sign all the documents without so much as a frown of disapproval. She understood. Understood that I couldn't pay, had no credit card to my name, and needed my mom to be attended to immediately.

We got admitted into a single ward - I remembered my mom always has a room to herself, sharing doesn't work for her 'cause other visitors are so noisy - about 4 hours later. By the time I'd finished settling her down in the ward and helped her with dinner, it was almost 9 and I realised that I'd gone without lunch and dinner. Looking forward to a 1901 hotdog, I took the lift down to the main lobby but the stall was closed. So I got something from Starbucks; a shiny, Cajun chicken, pie-looking thing which turned out to be just a freaking overpriced bun. Oh, I should also remember that
Cajun = spicy = tough on me. Lol.

Hurried back to the ward and there I found myself trying to eat, sleep and hold ice steadily to her mangled lip, all at the same time. It wasn't easy, but it felt not far from normal to me.

Next was the issue of where I'd sleep, for I'd decided to spend the night there with her. Having chosen the more economical Single Ward (RM50 less than a Private Ward), I was not entitled to an extra cot; only a lazy chair - a striped, rubber-ish, squeaky affair. To be honest, I've never enjoyed sitting on lazy chairs, and I sure didn't know how to sleep on one without squeaking the sleep out of my mom. So I slept on the floor. And that was how the doctor found me when she came in first thing in the morning. She seemed shocked, but to me it was the most logical decision since I definitely don't sleep with my back 90 degrees to my thighs. That's ridiculous.

In the past 48 hours I've gone from wary to anxious to distraught. In between was a long night, with only 4 hours of sleep and a very understanding friend texting for company. I remember wishing I could go out for a movie soon; it seems so petty compared to where I am now. A heart grows by leaps and bounds, it's true. I used to scoff when people said "You learn in times of trouble." but when God teaches you like this, you don't question it.
To be sure, I've learnt...
this time.

Am I a stubborn person? I don't recall anyone ever telling me that I was one. But I guess God really knows how to pack a punch; He hits me with the people I love most to get me to change. This episode has really stretched my limits, my capacity, for patience. I'm so patient now, I think I could sit and wait like a rock the next time I go prawn fishing. *Grins*

I was loathe to leave her side tonight; gave her medication on time and waited 'til I heard her breathing deep and regular - a sign of true sleep, I hoped. And I prayed,
because He can be where I'm not;
because the words, the plea, wanted so badly to be tumbled out knowing that He hears me;
because for the first time I know truly the meaning of

"We are only human."