Thursday, July 21, 2011

Awakening On This Other Side


The first dreary day since my arrival in Sydney nearly two weeks ago. But I am happy here; there are many things to say but right now this is on the tip of my tongue; I am happy here.

Every day of the first week felt like a vacation; I know it was holiday season anyway, but the essence of the feeling was in me, and perhaps it had to do with how restful it is to have no one but myself to tend to. Just yesterday I took the elevator back up to my room after doing the laundry, inadvertently savouring this independence and freedom. I imagine most, if not all, students go through this same relish when living away from home, but I know mine is a little different.
Perhaps the following snippets from my writing pad will provide a sufficient glimpse of my experiences here, seeing as time will not allow a full photo entry.  =)



I can't bring everything with me, just pack it away. I have loved her, but now I have to pack this away.



Dear diary, I met the nicest guy today.



I must wash my hair, or die trying!!
How cold it is for tropical me.



Today we sat on the grass and ate. Got attacked by birds. So we ran away. Then a little kid came and chased them off by hitting two sticks together.
Child courage.



Are you serious!? I brought my rice cooker all this way and forgot to pack the cable!!
Found it some nights later. Apparently I'd just not recognised it 'cause it was unusually clean compared to how it was at home.



I wanted to be the one who'd let you win because you could; I'd walk my own pace and smile in pride.
But now I have new dreams and a brand new hope, awakening on this other side.



Sitting by the weather forecast page, refreshing it hoping it will turn warmer somehow.



What do I hope to achieve as a dancer?
A marked improvement in my natural style - modern
A certain degree of versatility
Courage to cypher



Every night I lay myself down feeling so thankful and content. For all that I have, here and back home. To God for bringing me here. And I pray that I will be this grateful for the tough times He will also bring me through.



It's really annoying that banks close on weekends!


Gym junkie?! Me!?



You want everything? Then this is what happens.



This is the sweetness of doing nothing.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Without A Heart


Why is it that once you start crying it is so hard to stop?
And I'm not even crying for the usual reasons one would expect of a girl leaving home; I weep out of old wounds made fresh, weep for the love I never knew I was supposed to have.
Excited I was, bright-eyed and ready to make a new life in a new land - but now I am even glad. I need room to grow, and this space is but a cage over my wings.
It is a trap: this home I have dreamed in for all of my life, this house I have served from the days my broom was actually for stirring cauldrons, this pressure chamber I have shared with her for ten years. And though I've known for some time that I have to go, it pains me to think I'm leaving her behind in this trap.
  
She looked on without a heart, as I wept from mine.