BucK

Sudden faith. More reason to doubt less. I'm not really worried; I just know things will work out.



And I have the patience to see the "know" through. Or I will get the patience to, darn it! =P

Not Perfectly

There I was, perched on a pinnacle. After the fearsome weekend, I felt strong. And I was strong. It showed in my drive, my fearless glance, and the bright smile which lasted - 'til Thursday.

Monday was a bustle of errands.


Tuesday, first training session with Denise for this Saturday's Talent Fest. The most last-minute routine I've done, with choreography from scratch. Reached Segi after 45 minutes in the after hours jam. But it was great; I forgot the pain in my heel where the skirting stabbed it, and just danced with abandon, late into the night.

Shakespeare knew "pleasure will be paid, one time or another", as in my case, since I slept less than 4 hours that night and paid the price in a sudden dip of energy after Wednesday. Maybe my endurance wouldn't have given out just yet, with adequate sleep. But certainly, I'm living without you. Not doing it perfectly, but I am.


Wednesday was another training session with hardly any training done, hahaha. In fact, I was already slightly feverish - still am - and the hours flew by in an intense heart-to-heart with Denise. The air was all hope and strength; tears in her voice, laughter and merriment, sweetness and goodness mingled as our tongues wagged fast and furious.

"One in a million."

I won't forget the new meaning that phrase took on as she described her other half, and I found myself completely identifying with her. Dance called out, steps were in need of creation, but we sat down and just - shared.


Thursday night went out with Sean for a Shopping Mission. Indecision struck hard, darn it. But it was good seeing him again.


The Friday we'd been gearing up for rolled around. I was tired, left class prematurely to come down to an incomplete booth, and felt the old harried feeling rising in me. As in the days before I met him. Before he always fixed my problems and made me see things look better when we take a step back.
Our elaborate deco plans paid off at least; we got into the Top Ten Booths again!
I felt down, but strangely enough, this has been a day of many highlights. The sobering, uplifting, enlightening kind.



I started writing this in a moment of weakness. In every situation where my insides are threatening to combust or wither, in significant highs or lows, I write. Writing is my salvation.

Good news: My current diary has run out of empty pages, so I get to pick a new one.
Bad news: You may not feature in it.



Mere hours later,
Sean and Jaf announce they're coming over in 5.

They surprise me with a hot chocolate and it's the first Starbucks drink ever that I finish to the last sip! =] We talk. and talk. We theorise, debate and muse and I wear my worried expression alternated with my LOL one. And nearly squirt hot chocolate out my nose.
I was loathe to let them go but at least it's a cosy ending to Jaf's 19th birthday; being shooed out the compound at the stroke of midnight. =P

Then I got it. I feel so cared for, and blessed; I have them and 'nett darling and Douggie. And of course I know, somewhere out there, if Naj knew what I was going through she'd be right there swearing or blabbering a mile a minute for me. And that's good enough for me.
Here's something I thought of earlier; this week, I feel I've aged some. But also learnt some. And I'm growing, I'll pick myself up. Sometimes God says Yes, sometimes He says No.
He has said neither to me. So that means His third answer applies - Wait.



My take on love?
A recent memory;

"In actual fact, Papa is a terrible person."
-Papa himself-

Maybe I see the truth in it, but you're still my Superman.

Accepting someone for all they are.